DS2: Behaviour, medical notes and searching for truths and support

For the last few years we've been trying to get some sort of needs assessment for DS2. HE came to us with severe health implications, and behavioural issues and the age of 13 months old. I wondered if it was FAS (Foetal Alcohol Syndrome), but no. I couldn't work out what was going on at all, and his head is too small and his consultant says is not growing at the rate is should. He went through 2 terrifying febrile seizures lasting 30 mins and then an hour but always seemed more lucid after he came out of it.

He has development issues, seems to fall over a lot, is highly intelligent, sociable and gives direct eye contact, yet has violent rages, will throw himself to the floor when he doesn't want to talk, bite, kick scream, destroy rooms, throw computers, rip out wiring and bite and attack people and objects like some rabid puppy.

He is also the most loving and gorgeous boy ever, and until just recently I hadn't realised just how very tiny he is compared to the rest of his class. We're talking head and shoulders below..

Recently we've been speaking to people about support for him and a fried of mine has suggested he may have High Functioning Autism, which now we've read it, fits him like a glove, it's insane. I've taught SEN children before but never high functioning autism, so his social skills confused me, even though everything else was screaming autism.

We've told school who are going to look into it and if things don't move along will go private to help him get a diagnoses. It's like a light at the end of a tunnel, and I'm going to hold his hand all the way there :)

Is this normal?

Is this normal to be this terrified, this scared, this anxious and this worried as an adoptive parent?

Not in a day-to-day setting, (though I admit, I have had my moments), but when you see DS1's birth parent at the bus stop of the village in which you live, about 100yds from your house?

Been a while

So, hey, how's it going? How's life?

I'm now a proud mum to a lively nearly 7 and nearly 4 year old now. It's weird looking back on this diary how much has changed and how far we've come.

This year

This year has been scary as all hell. A corrupt institution, false allegations, delaying DS2, missing info from medical reports, FAS, cancer scare for both of us (he's now cleared, as is one of mine, still awaiting the rest), as well as having to deal with hissy fits and people bitching.

I am exhausted. We are exhausted. Need to see the back of 2013 badly!

First week of school

Wow. You've just completed your first week in school. Reception class. I am so so proud of you! The difference in you has been marked. You're still incredibly patient and happy, but you've some of your carefreeness back, which has been missing of late.

Tonight, to celebrate a full week, I took you to get a milkshake after school. I had banana and you had strawberry. DS2 didn't have anything, due to his really bad cold.

So many changes

I watch your confusion and your struggle, to not only to understand the sharing of Daddy & I, but of why your little brother is hurting you. He hits, and bites. Not small bites, but hard welting bites. You never shout, you never hit back. You look upset and sometimes, when they're really painful, you cry.

You don't understand why he does it - why would you. He does it because he's jealous of you. When you first met, he couldn't take his eyes off you - he was so excited, and clearly in awe. The feeling was mutual. You're now both settled. You're happy being a big brother but want your own special time, and when you have to share, you shy away from him. He's clearly jealous at times and hurts you. I hate seeing it. You've just turned 4. He's 13mnths. You're completely different personalities

I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you with so many questions that you can't verbalise, and answers you don't fully understand. I hate not being able to ease your frustrations fully. I hate, no matter how many times I tell you how much I love you, that it doesn't feel you believe me 100%.

You're starting school this week, and I can't begin to verbalise how much I am going to miss you.

I ironed name labels into your clothes, wrote your name in your shoes and 'daps', and wrote your name on your TMNT water bottle. Hopefully your TNMT backpack will arrive tomorrow so you can put your school stuff in it.

I love you. I love you so very very much. Please. Please don't ever forget that...

Songs I sing to my boy

For a long time now, DS has had 'Oh my baby', and 'You are my Sunshine', sung to him. These are 2 staples in our house, and they're 'mummy songs'. Something I have been singing for a few years now is 'the Crocodile. This is a song I learnt whilst I was in my local high school choir, and we sung it in St David's Hall. I had mistakenly thought our conductor had written words and tune, but have recently found I was wrong (and also 2 verses I had forgotten).

So, here, for my DS (and my memory), are the words and author:


The Crocodile

If you were to stand on the banks of the Nile
In the sweltering sun and with sand in the air
You'd have to beware of the bold crocodile
For he and his friends would surely be there.
With a lashing and thrashing of terrible tail
And a snapping and clapping of horrible jaws
He searches for food and should he find your trail
He wouldn't say no to a body like yours.
They say he can live for a great many years
With his crocodile skin like an armoured car
Because of his teeth there is nothing he fears
When he's seen in a zoo, you are safer by far.
And now that my story is nearly complete
Of the crocodile's habits I'm sure you might dream
But remember, the only one you'll chance to meet
Is the lizard who lives on the banks of a stream.

Peter Jenkyns (1921-96)