Been a while

So, hey, how's it going? How's life?

I'm now a proud mum to a lively nearly 7 and nearly 4 year old now. It's weird looking back on this diary how much has changed and how far we've come.


The last few years have more than a little trying. DS2 has come with all sorts of complications, the most noticeable to the aggression and self-harming (DH hates it when I say that but that's what it is. We've migrated through smashing his head repeatedly on the floor, biting bricks, walls, slamming doors on himself and biting himself (and everyone else), to pulling at his lip badly enough he loses chunks, and the occasional headbutt and slamming doors into his feet (doing enough damage to make me seriously nauseous and wonder about hospital - luckily enough I've first aid knowledge and have just cleansed, steri-stripped and strap well enough that he's been left pretty scar-less.

HE went through a stage of seizures - really bad ones - lasting fro 30 minutes to an hour, so was put on epilim which has an immediate effect on his mood. after about a year we noticed he wasn't having any petite mals so went back to the neurospecialist, which wanted an EEG without him being on medication. We're waiting to hear back about the results.

I hear you wondering where our support is with all of this. Well we specifically put off putting through the official adoption paperwork for DS2 in order to keep SServices on board for some help and 'clout' so to speak, and realised after a year there was no benefit whatsoever. There have been 6 referrals to CAMHS, all of which have been denied due to his age. The Doctors have torn their hair out and so have we. I fail to understand why we're coming up against brick walls finding help for our son who so desperately needs it.

Last week I rung SServices again who have again put in a referral to CAMHS, and am hoping now he's nearly 4 we might make some headway, but my heart sinks when I think about hearing back from them.

School are still pushing for toilet training, and put him on regularly. whereas he seems to have a little control over his bladder he has no control or understanding over his bowels, and doesn't even know when he passed anything. He won't be toilet-trained for school and we have tried quite a few times to explain his brain-hypoxia and other neurological complications but because he's so well-behaved at school they either don't believe us or don't think it's their problem.

Speaking of school bring me onto DS1. He's always been such a flexible and content child. Now raging issues to talk of, emotions fairly plateaued until the last year where he is suffering what I can only describe as extreme depression and extreme rage. We found out much later he was being bullied, which was absolutely heartbreaking and I questioned over and over why he wouldn't have told us earlier and how we could have missed it. Apparently DS1 is a pleaser and wants to be everything to everyone so didn't want to get his 'friend' in trouble because after all, this kid was his 'friend'. He finds it hard to comprehend how labels can change. After I pushed the issue with school they eventually told us that he'd been 'withdrawn' for a few weeks.. thanks guys.

Finally got forms filled in to get him extra help as the psychotherapist thinks that the bullying may have triggered inutero trauma which has more than just exploded. Just waiting on the assessment now.

There's far more, but that's all for now. Hope you're having a good Monday

Oh actually I've just remembered the main reason for coming here. My child is not damaged. I heard this in adoption training and I've heard it from people who work in SServices and other people besides. He is not damaged he is unique, he is different, and he's a survivor. Most people wouldn't cope going through what he has (either of them), so unless you know what you're talking about and know my son(s) as well as their Dad and I, then back off. The only person damaged around here is the one ignorant to make the statement in the first place.