So many changes

I watch your confusion and your struggle, to not only to understand the sharing of Daddy & I, but of why your little brother is hurting you. He hits, and bites. Not small bites, but hard welting bites. You never shout, you never hit back. You look upset and sometimes, when they're really painful, you cry.

You don't understand why he does it - why would you. He does it because he's jealous of you. When you first met, he couldn't take his eyes off you - he was so excited, and clearly in awe. The feeling was mutual. You're now both settled. You're happy being a big brother but want your own special time, and when you have to share, you shy away from him. He's clearly jealous at times and hurts you. I hate seeing it. You've just turned 4. He's 13mnths. You're completely different personalities

I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you with so many questions that you can't verbalise, and answers you don't fully understand. I hate not being able to ease your frustrations fully. I hate, no matter how many times I tell you how much I love you, that it doesn't feel you believe me 100%.

You're starting school this week, and I can't begin to verbalise how much I am going to miss you.

I ironed name labels into your clothes, wrote your name in your shoes and 'daps', and wrote your name on your TMNT water bottle. Hopefully your TNMT backpack will arrive tomorrow so you can put your school stuff in it.

I love you. I love you so very very much. Please. Please don't ever forget that...