"How could you love them when they're not yours?

You can't know until you've had your own..."

Luckily this wasn't said anywhere near me, else I'd have ripped them to pieces, but it's this kind of attitude that worries me. Not for my sake - I have no problem taking people apart when they're talking about a subject they know nothing about. But for DS1.

I'm hoping he will pick up determination and fight from us. That he will be able to stand his ground and throw off the sticks and stones that may be thrown at him. DH and I both got bullied as kids, but we fought back, as opposed to not having the strength to, and being a silent target.

I'm not sure I can coherently organise my thoughts on this one well, because so many sentences and feelings come rushing to the forefront that I'm unable to put them in order.

In a way they're right - I have no idea what it's like to have birth children. I didn't get to bond with DS1 in that way. I didn't get to feel him kick, hear his first scream, carry the weight with him around with me as he grew. In that respect I can't talk from a birth parents point of view. Which is what bothers me. That anybody thinks that just because I didn't give birth to my son, that I have any less right in being a parent, or that my bond with him is weaker for it, infuriates me.

I always knew DS1 was out there. I dreamt him before I knew about him, and I knew it was a matter of timing. Part of me wishes that timing hadn't taken so damn long, but you know - your experiences are what shape you as a person, and I know I'm a hell of a lot stronger for it. I also appear to have become a battle-axe* with regards to DS1.

I'm still trying to get information for SS for him, and I'm not about to bloody stop just because I'm getting fobbed off. As many people know, this only makes me more resolute to be that person hammering on your door at 3am because you have royally annoyed me.

None of our family need pity because we're made out of adoption.

The one thing DS1 can say, is that he is loved. He can say he is special because we chose him. Which is true. We chose him, we wanted him more than anything, and he is loved so fiercely..


* Pitbull/ Rottweiler, any other imagery you can come up with probably fits.