3rd Session

I found this OK. I told our worker almost immediatey how I'd felt after our last ession. That I'd felt judged, and that her opinion of my childhood ahd been written all over her face. I was quite defensive of my parents. Whatever she thinks of them, and whatever I went through as a kid, I know they only did what they thought was right. I know she has more issues with my Mum not leaving my Dad, with it being unsafe for us, and whereas I don't agree with my Mum's decision I totally understand why she did it.

I am where I am today, for a number of reasons. Regardless of what they are, I am where I am today; in a position of strength, having experienced an awful lot of stuff, which I feel has left me better equipped to deal with any situation.

I was asked whether when kids confide in me, whether I ever get upset. I get upset like anyone would do, of course, because I can empathise - does it tear me to pieces and remind me of what I went through? Not really - I remember bits, I remember how I felt and what I needed most at that time, and I respond accordingly. I don't think that's a bad thing. The workers seem entirely unsure.

Sometimes I wonder whether she has any faith in me at all as a prospective mum. I wonder if that will chainge, or whether she has labelled me already..

2nd session

That was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and we've only got to 'Uni'. Talking about my Grandad reduced me to tears several times, and you realise you never really get over losing some people from your life. I miss him every day, yet he's been gone longer than I had him.

Ended up quite a mess after our worker left, and I was given a glass of wine to relax with, which I think merely opened up the raw wounds even more.

She seems of the opinion that my past could hinder our chances of adopting, but I can't change what happened to me, and I think I'm doing really well with everything I've been through. I am 'resilient' apparently - surely that's a good thing, and puts me in a better position to help our kids?


She also said I will need a 3rd session because there was an awful lot she didn't realise and she thinks we'll need even more time. I'm not sure whether I feel relieved or insulted.