Still thinking

Part of me wants to run around telling everyone and getting very excited. The other part of me doesn't want to tell anyone at all. Ever. To be fair, at the moment, there isn't anything to tell anyone. We've expressed an interest, but that's it. We'll find out more on Tuesday and our decision will go from there. There are so very very many unknowns that will come with the file, it's hard to know exactly what we will find.

I can't even begin to think what this means for us, and it might not amount to anything, but it's that sliver of hope, working its way into my heart and I'm trying to be very distant from the possibility at the moment.

Every now and then I catch myself smiling at the possibility.

I keep being told how hard it will be, how exhausting, how depressing, how isolating it will be. That I won't know how terrible it is until I'm in it.

I have hit rock bottom - quite a few times on this journey. I know it will be fraught with sleepless nights and bouts of possible depression and frustration. Sometimes you wonder whether people think you're stupid - after all, this is something we've thought about over and over again.

We know there will be more issues, than with that of a child I was able to give birth to, and that any child will be desperately unhappy with being removed from foster care. We're not stupid. I'm not stupid. Hopefully our child will love us as much as we will love him.

If I don't have a post saying how hard it is, and exhausting and 'nothing prepares you for it', I will be utterly amazed. However, it's a post I have a right to write, as well as happy ones that will no doubt follow.

No-one said being a parent was a piece of cake. No-one's said it would be easy, yet in the same vein, no-one wants it as much as we do. Rough with the smooth, like anyone else.